This year has been a huge year of self-development for me. I have been through so much in the past year and it has made me grow as a person. 2018 has been a huge year for me and I have really surprised myself this year.
Sharing my writing by starting my blog
I have always had a huge passion for writing but I never shared it or promoted it to people I knew. Launching my blog and promoting it on my personal Facebook page, posting on my Twitter page and creating a new Instagram account to share my blog! It was terrifying. I really surprised myself this year by sharing my writing and trying to share my own personal stories to connect with people.
Deciding not to go to college
My whole life has been working towards getting out of my abusive household and heading off to college to become free from my abusive father. College was the only escape route that I could see. But… on December 18th of last year a brand new escape route rose up before me and that was by winning our year-long court battle against my court battle.
At the beginning of the year, my mental health was on a complete low. I was in a really dark place and I could not the light at the end of the tunnel. Attending school was a massive struggle for me. I couldn’t breathe as I stepped inside the classroom, I couldn’t concentrate in class, I didn’t do homework and my grades continued to fall.
Knowing that school was a massive struggle for me I just knew that college was not for me at this moment in time. So I made the huge decision of not going to college. Sitting here today as I write this blog post all I can say is that I am so glad that I didn’t go to college. I have done so much this past year that I would have never done if I was in college.
Learning to not care what other people think of me
The decisions that I have made this year has received many mixed emotions. People don’t understand me or the reasons why I have made the decisions that I have and that’s okay they don’t need to understand.
I have people commenting about why I blog and making comments like “ what’s the point?”, “ you can’t do anything with it” etc, etc. It affected me at the beginning but I pretended it didn’t bother me. But now as I sit here writing this blog post I can truly say that I don’t care what they think or say about me or my decisions.
I have made my decision and I will make sure that these decisions make a huge impact on my life. My blog will become my career, I will move to New Zealand to be with my boyfriend, not going to college will not affect my life in any way.
Getting in front of the camera and starting a YouTube channel.
I always had the idea of creating my own YouTube channel to have some fun, discuss topics that are important to me etc, but I never had the courage to sit in front of a camera and do it. I got a lot of encouragement from my blogging buddies and now here I am a blogger and a YouTuber!
Talking about my mental health.
For years I have become numb, slap a smile on my face and pretend that nothing is wrong. Last year when Ryan and I were first together a huge problem of ours was communication. Mainly on my part. When something happened I would bottle it all up until I exploded over the tiniest thing which led to a lot of arguments between us.
We are both very stubborn and we both don’t like talking about our feelings. So communication was a huge problem with ours. In April when we got back together, we discussed that we both need to talk about our problems when we are struggling. That is what we have been doing since then and there have been no arguments whatsoever.
This was really difficult for me because I hate looking weak, vulnerable and easy to manipulate. It took me a long time to get used to talking about how I feel to Ryan. I struggled a lot in the beginning.
I surprised myself this year by allowing Ryan to see me cry. For the three years that we have known each other, he has only seen me cry since this year. I refused to allow him to see me that way but I learned that he won’t hurt me, judge me or use my vulnerability against me.
Ryan is the only person I discuss my mental health with and show my true feelings to.
Launching my blog has truly changed my life. I am prepared to take on new projects, be creative, share my opinions, talk about my story, get in front of the camera, share my writing and get into the public eye. It has truly grown my confidence and I have really surprised myself this year.
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