Relationships

The warning signs of an abusive relationship

Sadly not all relationships are happy and full of love as they should be. When we first get into a relationship we become blinded by the puppy love, honeymoon stage of a brand new relationship. The warning signs of an abusive relationship aren’t seen. We become blind to the early signs that this relationship can turn toxic and/or abusive. Abusive relationships can be a little hard to understand. The first thing you need help with understanding an abusive relationship is that it’s all about control.

Abuse comes in all forms including physical abuse, social abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse, etc. Abuse is about a dynamic of extremes, domination and submission. It is about giving and withholding, also in the extreme.

“ Abusers don’t abuse everyday. They have a good moments. Days where they do the right things. Moments where they say the correct words when this happens, the key is to remember that it is just an abuser having a good day, but still an abuser based on all the othe days. “

                                               Shannon Thomas  

Sadly not all relationships are happy and full of love as they should be. When we first get into a relationship we become blinded by the puppy love, honeymoon stage of a brand new relationship. The warning signs of an abusive relationship aren’t seen

Emotional abuse

Emotional abuse can happen to anyone at any time throughout their lives. Just because emotional abuse doesn’t leave a mark but that doesn’t make it any less real or devastating. Signs of emotional abuse are as follows:

Minimising

An abuser using minimising to their advantage whenever they can. When they do something to hurt you, embarrass or whatever it may be that could upset you, they minimise what they did. They convince you that what they did wasn’t a huge deal and that you are the one who is making a huge deal out of it. So that they get away with whatever they did.

Humiliation

Humiliation is the abasement of pride, which creates mortification or leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission. It is an emotion felt by a person whose social status, either by force or willingly, has just decreased. Definition from Wikipedia.

Being in an abusive relationship can lead to you being completely humilated. This can be things like name calling, being laughed at, assault, being spit on and so much more.If you are constantly being humilated please talk to someone and get yourself out of that situation.

Speaking from a personal exerience, my father called myself, my mum and siblings such horrible names and embarrassed us in public and in front of other family members and friends. He would call me fat, ugly and spoke about all my mistakes in front of family and friends to humilate me.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the victim and delegitimize the victim’s belief. Definition from Wikipedia

People who gaslight typically use these techniques: tell lies, deny they ever say anything even when you have proof, they use all that you love against you, wear you down, they project, they try and turn people against you and they tell you or others that you are crazy.

Violation Of Trust

This could be anything from spilling your secrets, telling people about something that has happened between you two, cheating or whatever it may that you trusted in them. Relationships are built on trust and if that trust is broken it is very difficult to get it back.

Physical abuse

We all know too well how physical abuse happens and what physical abuse is. So I don’t think I need to go into full detail on what that is.

Intimidation

Intimidation comes in many shapes and sizes and I am going to talk a little about the intimidation my family and I suffered while living with my abusive father. While living with my father we would sit in anticipation to see what mood he would be in when he woke up. The tension in the air was knife like as we would listen to his footsteps across the ceiling to try and figure out what mood he was in. It was terrifying.

While out and about in public we knew that if we said something, or did something he didn’t like, the ook he would give us was just as scary and as terrifying as anythinghe said. It was a look that meant, when I get you home you’re dead. Intimidation can be anything from a look, a threat or anything of the sort.

Isolation

Isolation may not been seen until you are completely isolated. It can happen very subtly. This can start by your partner making you “check in” so they know where you are and what you are doing. They can also make you quit certain activities so you can spend more time together. Isolation can also involve financial abuse, they may start to control all the finances and you are stuck. Another step they can take is taking you away from your friends and family.

If any of this sounds familiar or you are reading this saying, my god how does she know? These are the warning signs of an abusive relationship. Please speak to someone. You need to get out of this situation. Or if you know a friend or family member who seems to be in this situation then please reach out and try and help them.

You may also like: The pro’s and con’s of a long distance relationship

With Love,

Anne xxx

Sadly not all relationships are happy and full of love as they should be. When we first get into a relationship we become blinded by the puppy love, honeymoon stage of a brand new relationship.

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