For 17 years of my life, I stayed quiet and never spoke about the abuse that I endured. No one had any idea about what was happening. On the outside I was smiling, laughing and enjoying life while on the inside I was crying out for help, wanting someone to see through the lies that were spilling out of my mouth with ease. Hiding your feelings is bad for you.
I had to learn this the hard way. When we first began speaking about what was happening to us in our own home, I was matter of fact, I told people I was fine and that I was used to it. Although we were free, talking about my abuse, dealing with the year-long court battle brought up a lot of unwanted emotions and memories. I found it very hard to cope, I wasn’t going to school, I could barely get out of bed in the mornings but I wasn’t speaking to anyone and that had a detrimental effect on myself, my relationships and so much more.
Hiding your feelings can ruin relationships.
Ryan and I would be together for almost two years if I didn’t hide my feelings and actually talk to him about what was going on. We fought a lot because I wouldn’t talk to him about anything that was going on and when little things would happen I would bottle it all up until one day I would explode and take everything out on him. In the end, I broke up with him and dated other people.
Ryan was there for me through it all as a friend but we both knew we still loved one another, both just too stubborn to admit it.
Thankfully, I spoke to him more and we worked things out and now are almost together a full year with zero fights between us. Opening up about my thoughts and feelings truly helped Ryan and I sort out our relationship.
I am very lucky that Ryan loves me so much that he forgave me and to give me a second chance. You may not be so lucky with the people in your life.
You will constantly be stressed and anxious
Expressing is your emotions is important to mental health. If you bottle up your emotions, it is likely that you also feel afraid that people will see through your façade. Keeping up this constant acting can lead to stress and anxiety. You’re constantly hiding your emotions. Our emotions are very powerful and it can be exhausting to hide them. Being constantly stressed and anxious isn’t healthy and can lead to a lot of physical illnesses for example stomach cramps, stomach ulcers, headaches, insomnia, etc.
You will become emotionally unstable
As I have mentioned above, you can explode at any minute, whether it be in work, in school or at home.
Imagine this, you are in work and someone comes over to you to borrow a pen and you hit the roof over something as stupid as that. I was in school and I had a guy annoying me over something stupid and I absolutey lost the plot and began screaming at him in the middle of a crazy busy corridor.
During this period, I was very unstable and was a ticking time bomb. So please, make sure you take care of yourself and find someone you trust and can talk to whether it be a therapist, a friend, your partner or a family member.